It’s been one of those weeks. You’ve had them, right? Times of hard decision-making and what-ifs that lead to more waiting and second-guessing and flip-flopped fear and trust, and you just want a final decision to be made and hope you can live with it. Except each step on the journey brings more decisions and you want to get it right–except there really aren’t any good answers in human economy. But the trail ends in what seems like a drop-off, and everything’s all tangled up, and you can’t find a clear way, and you just want God to write the right answer in the sky. And you want it to be what you want, but you really want to want what He wants. And who’s it all about anyway? You? Them? Him?
It’s all so exhausting.
I stumbled, though, on this prayer again the other day–one I’d clung to a few years back and forgotten. I’ve printed it out. I need to read it several times a day. Maybe you do, too.
The Merton Prayer
My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself,
and the fact that I think I am following your will
does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road,
though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore I will trust you always
though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me,
and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.
~Thomas Merton, Thoughts in Solitude
Where are you in your journey right now? Is the road smooth? Are you at a crossroad? Navigating a detour? Have you lost the road altogether?