Louis tells me I think too much. He’s probably right, but I was two months shy of my 41st birthday when my last baby was born. I was a mother with children at home for a long time. This quiet, full-of-peace life I enjoy these days is the first in over thirty years I’ve had real time to wonder and think – long and slow and in complete, unfragmented sentences.
It’s in this quiet life that God has released dormant gifts and revealed new ones, and I’m grateful and full of wonder that He would trust me of all people to not bury or waste them, but to steward these gifts well.
I tell Louis that God might not remember that I’m a mature woman now – and I wonder, “What in this world am I to do with these perfectly delightful gifts in a celebrity culture that gives weight to and values the talents and gifts of the young and relevant and beautiful – not a woman of a certain age like me?”
“Why didn’t God make room for them in my life earlier?” I question Louis, as though he has the answer.
“Every generous act and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with Him there is no variation or shadow cast by turning.” James 1.17 (HCSB)
“Out of God’s astounding grace, a very imperfect person can still receive a delightfully perfect gift precisely because it’s perfect for her.” Beth Moore
I still don’t have all the answers, but I begin to see a glimpse of purpose – that God has a perfect plan for these gifts. That His plan is for my benefit and His glory, and that’s all I need to know today.
“God’s gifts are given with goals. They’re perfect because they’re perfecting. They don’t just give today. They give toward every tomorrow.” Beth Moore
I pick up my camera and walk out into the backyard in time to watch bees drink deep from the trumpeted orange blossoms of the firebush while zebra longwings flutter from blossom to blossom for sweet nectar drinks of their own. I stand still by the firebush in the late afternoon sun, filled with awe at God’s faithful goodness to me, and I thank Him for letting me see and delight in His creation in these bees and butterflies on display in the glory of a firebush.
The heat from the sun becomes oppressive and just as I’m ready to turn off the camera and go inside, a hummingbird buzzes by right in front of me as though I don’t even exist – and I don’t know how, but I do know this – that the hummingbird is a perfect, perfecting-me gift.
And that’s all I need to know for today.