[fatherless generation] chapter 5: forgotten fairy tales

Fairy tale by José María Pérez Nuñez

Written by Crystal Matherne

I am a proud wife and mother of three. I was a single mom for many years before meeting my husband Marc in 2001. We have been married for nearly 9 years now and live in Louisiana with our three beautiful children. I came to know Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior in October 2001 and have been living my life for Him ever since. Jesus is the lover of my heart and I want nothing more than to serve Him all the days of my life.

March 30, 2011

Fairy tale by José María Pérez Nuñez
[serialposts]

Fatherlessness wilts the dream of being daddy’s little girl.

Not having a father is so significant and damaging to a girl.  All little girls want to be held in their daddy’s arms.  Unfortunately, this longing for something she will never have often leads “daddy’s little girl” into the cold arms of a young man who promises to love her, but ultimately will end up leaving her just as her father did.  The vicious cycle is repeated and still she is unable to fill the void.

Teenage girls all around the country are filling this void by getting pregnant … on purpose.  They tell themselves, “maybe if I have a child, my baby surely has to love me.”  They are desperately longing to love and be loved.

“Fields of wilted flowers

On broken stems,

Hanging, dangling, waiting

For the sun to come, for anyone;

But he is gone, gone far beyond return”

~ John Sowers

I was one of those girls who would do anything to fill the void.  My daddy was really never there.  He was an alcoholic, and even when he wasn’t at the bars, he still wasn’t really there.  I can’t remember a time when he was sober.   He never did the things daddies are supposed to do.  Always lost in his own little world and desperately trying to hide from the rejection he felt deep inside from his own father leaving when he was just three years old.  I was desperately longing for his affection, but he was unable to be the father I needed him to be.

Eventually my mom left my dad and took us far away.   As a result, my teenage years were spent almost completely without a father.  I often wondered if he was lying dead under a bridge somewhere.  I thought to myself, “Where is my daddy?  Does he think of me?  Does he miss me?  Is he finally happy?  He deserves to be happy.”

I remember the one time he did come to visit.  I had just gotten a tattoo of my boyfriend’s initials.  My dad was shocked and wondered, “What happened to my little girl?  What have you done?”  I just thought to myself, “Daddy, if you only had been there for me.  I needed you!”

A few months later, my boyfriend and I “planned” a baby… You heard me correct, planned.  We got “engaged” and within a month I was pregnant.  I was only 16 at the time … 16 and pregnant.   We did eventually get married and I had my baby at the age of 17.  Two years later however, I found myself divorced and a single mother of two.  My husband left me just as my father had years before.

It wasn’t until years later that I realized that no man could ever fill the void my earthly father had left me.   Four years after my divorce, I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.  God then began a process of filling the void I had inside my soul for all those years.  My earthly father is still mostly absent from my life, but I know my Heavenly Father is always there with me.  Whenever I am down, I know I can run right into His arms.  I can tell Him anything and He listens with loving ears.  Jehovah Shama, The God who HEARS me.

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3 Comments

  1. Anonymous

    this is incredible. thanks for sharing, crystal.

    Reply
  2. Crystal

    Crystal – this is simply amazing. Thank you for being so open in sharing your story. This was the hardest chapter for me, as over and over again I could identify, very personally, with the words on the pages. Your words bring all of that emotion back to the surface.

    Incredible.

    Reply
  3. erna

    WOW! Tears are welling up in my eyes.
    I oversee the nursery at my church and have spent many hours struglling in prayer about a few particular babies and their very young mumma. This has blessed me immeasuabley to see her perspective and show more grace than I sometimes feel.
    Thank you dear sister for sharing this, your story.

    Reply

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  1. fatherless generation [group blogging project] : BibleDude.net - [...] 3: Midnight Sons and Daughters (Kevin DeShazo) Chapter 4: The Fatherless Gang (Julia Swodeck) Chapter 5: Forgotten Fairy Tales (Crystal Matherne) Chapter…
  2. fatherless generation [group blogging project] by Dan King (filed in culture, perspectives, reviews): BibleDude.net: read. pray. serve. – BibleDude.net - [...] 3: Midnight Sons and Daughters (Kevin DeShazo) Chapter 4: The Fatherless Gang (Julia Swodeck) Chapter 5: Forgotten Fairy Tales (Crystal Matherne) Chapter…

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[fatherless generation] chapter 5: forgotten fairy tales

by Crystal Matherne time to read: 3 min
5