faith, doubt, Christianity, church

Somehow I came empty and broken.
No, weary is the word.
When all has been taken from me and some how I resist the cup in hand able to quench my thirst.
‘There’s healing in your hand’ they say as they watch me die
‘I know but I’m weary now’ I reply with some moist in my eyes ‘ I will drink from the cup when I can’.
There’s a story that runs around about a man who died of a disease with the healing potion for that very disease in his hands.
Sometimes I take the path of that man and my ‘very’ disease is the unbelief that wouldn’t let me bring the cup near.

I want to believe
I want to bring the cup near my mouth and drink from the ever living waters
I want to believe
I want to let the words he told me in the corner of my room in the morning be what affects and changes the ‘false’ reality that tries to unfold as the day rolls to an end.
I want to believe
I want the strength of Samson, I want it enough to churn away the Deliliahs that keep calling for my attention
I want to believe
But I don’t know what that simple 7 lettered word means

Is it to break down the walls I have invested in and built all my life so You can come in?
Is it the hard task of becoming a little child all over again so You can carry me?
Or is it coming empty, hungry, and poor so you can fill me up again and again?
Is it?
Or is it just being still and knowing that you are Yahweh?

I want to believe
Where do I start
I would take this cup and drink
I would BE
I would LIVE
Somehow one step at a time makes trusting You a whole lot easier
And somehow, one step at a time You show me what it means to believe

“Blessed is she who believed for there will be a fulfillment of those things which were told her from the Lord” – Elizabeth (Luke 1:45)

My Life Now: My apartment got affected by the flood which swept my city (Ibadan) Nigeria on the 26th of August (two weeks ago). The writer in me immediately started calculating the ‘happy ending’ in this as I stepped (and ran out) of a flooded apartment that friday night. Till now I’m not good enough to figure out one, my writing is that bad (Laughing) but God who is a far incomparable Author to me is faithful. I’m typing this from my writing desk (on my mobile). A lot got destroyed. But I serve the best Writer who has ever been. He is writing a beautiful story and I’m learning to believe that!  🙂

i want to know what it means to believe

by Ayomide Akinkugbe time to read: 2 min
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