i’m gonna be sick

Written by Duane Scott

GENERAL EDITOR I'm a writer, nature lover, a friend, a singer (in the shower), a Cheetos lover and a Snuggie hater. And God and I are buddies.

April 12, 2011

I’m starting to feel sick.

I’ve only started this post once or twice already, praying and hoping that some gamma ray of inspiration will zap my fingers into tap-tap-tapping their way across the screen of this iPhone.

I don’t normally write on my phone, but I’m on my way to town because the software I need for my computer is about to go off sale. And just to clarify, Southern Gal is driving, not me.

Because I have to write.

The Ritz cheese crackers and diet Mountain Dew in the center console are my muse.

I glance up at the road just in time to brace myself for a curve.

Seriously, I’m not feeling well.

This is the way the past week has been. Pell-mell full steam ahead, multi-tasking, running and sprinting toward…

What?

Taxes are due this week.

Our housing situation needs some contemplation. Do we buy or rent?

I need to register Southern Gal’s car, but the court house is closed by the time I get off work.

Tuesday is my day to write at bibledude.net. I really love this site; I’d hate to mess with the schedule.

This list of to-dos causes my mind to flip flop with questions. Which is a priority, which will take most time, which should I stress the most about… You get the picture.

The air in this car is too warm. Popping a Ritz cracker into my mouth, I forget to take the time to chew… and nearly choke.

“Would they write that on my obituary?” I wonder.

Duane Scott passed away one fateful evening due to his hectic lifestyle.

This weight of responsibility feels too much.

“Um God? You do realize I’m only a boy. What’s up with You pushing all this at me?”

No reply.

The gentle hum of tires on pavement is all I hear.

Silence.

“In quietness and in confidence shall be your strength.” Isaiah 30:15

I stare straight ahead through the front window of the car, desperately watching the road as my mother taught me, in hopes my stomach will feel better.

But it doesn’t help.

I want to hang my head out the window. Forget all the problems. Get a fresh breath of air. I think miserably how tangible evidence of this car sickness will present itself if something doesn’t change.

So I roll down the window.

The wind rushes around my face, my hand swoops up and down. I want to stick my tongue out like a dog. Before reason and logic can restrain me, I stick it out, imagining it flopping around in the breeze. Southern Gal laughingly complains about her hair getting messy.

I really don’t care.

Rolling up the window, feeling increasingly better, I realize… Sometimes, God doesn’t give us answers because He knows we need to wait in silence for a moment.

However loud and fun that silence is, well… that’s up to us.

-Duane Scott

 

24 Comments

  1. Kristinherdy

    the image of you hanging your head out of the car, mouth agape, tongue blowing in the wind like a golden retriever has me shaking my head, amused.

    silence is supposed to be golden, too, but when you’re in it, sometimes it feels more brown, like excrement.

    Reply
    • Duane Scott

      @Kristenherdy

      You should use that last part as your bio for your blog. 🙂 Can I quote you?!

      -DS

      Reply
      • Kristinherdy

        I’m not sure I will add it to my bio, but permission granted on the right to quote, though I’ll be waiting with trepidation to see in what context…

        Reply
        • Duane Scott

          @kristinherdy

          Ya, I’m not sure it’s a very pretty quote. Maybe I’ll use it on this Thursday. It’s pleasantly disturbed day, you know. 🙂

          Reply
  2. Anonymous

    Duane – love this man! When did you start to feel better? During or after the drive – did you even get sick? All of these questions need answers!

    Oh, you may want to put the ritz cheese crackers away. Those will make you sick every time!

    Reply
    • Duane Scott

      @justinfalls

      I never got sick. I just get car sick very easily, especially when I’m trying to write on my phone. And you’re right. Ritz crackers really are nasty.

      -DS

      Reply
      • Keviana Elliot

        @duane_scott Yet another thing we have in common. So sorry, because I’ve felt your pain all my short life, Duane.

        For the record, I recommend keeping some of the Children’s Dramamine chewable tablets with you all the time. Then, if you’re needing to focus on an iPhone, pop a few, wait 5 minutes and feel “safe” from losing your cookies.. er, um, Cheetos.

        And @justinfalls ? The fact that you “Like” other reviewers’ comments make me want to give you a fistbump. You go, dude. (And you’re right about the ritz cheese crackers. Regular ritz do MUCH better for the velocity-n-movement-n-things-blurring-past sensitive.)

        Reply
  3. Jason Vana

    So you’re part man, part squirrel and now, apparently, part dog, too? You’re a mut! lol

    I have learned over the past few years to embrace those moments of silence. Even for Lent this year, I gave up music on my car ride to work (about 20 minutes). At first it was tough, but it’s in those moments of silence that I de-stress and realize that I may not be able to handle it all…but God can.

    Reply
    • Duane Scott

      @jasonvana

      Dude. Isn’t the proper way to spell that is “mutt”? And some people claim to have an English major.

      I do believe sometimes we need to have complete silence. Try taking a book and a blanket outside and enjoying the sun sometime. That’s when it seems we are most in touch with God.

      🙂

      -DS

      Reply
  4. Ryan Tate

    Silence and solitude are the furnace of transformation. Great stuff Duane. Thanks.

    Reply
  5. Dav-45

    You’ve taken on a lot – being a husband, feeding Cheetoes 2 squirrels, more blogging, other writing, nursing school, you work outside the home…maybe it is time 2 pray over what God wants most 4 you & see if there’s anything God hasn’t assigned. Silence from God gives us reflective time to look closely @ our whole lives. Sometimes I think He’s waiting there thinking I need you to understand before we move on.

    Oh, & watch our 4 bugs! If you’re flapping in the wind your teeth aren’t even screening them out of your mouth! Could this car sickness mean YOUR pregnant??? Told you not 2 tempt God! 🙂

    Reply
  6. nance

    this is a breath of fresh air…

    Reply
  7. Moe

    First: I can’t believe you actually use the “notes” app on your iPhone. #crap (I use Simplenote)

    Second: I too have been the recipient of God’s silence. That’s the worse feeling… the waiting, the chewing the nails (shh, it’ll be our secret) and the peeks at the sky (as if He’ll wink at us or something). In my experience… he’s never late. We are just always early… and inpatient. Hang in there my friend!

    Reply
    • Duane Scott

      @Moe_NYC

      I’ll look up Simplenote. The thing I like about the notes app is it is easy to get them on my computer once I’m done writing them.

      And more true words were never spoken. I am ALWAYS early when it comes to wanting answers. Praying for an extra dose of patience today.

      -DS

      Reply
      • Moe

        Simplenote syncs to the cloud and you can access your notes from any computer or device. If you have a Mac, you can use a free program called “Notational Velocity” that syncs with Simplenote and you have all your files there. All wirelessly. I love it. You can also tag people and “publish” notes online to share. Here is an example: 

        http://simp.ly/publish/X667kW
        You have no choice. Patience means waiting. 🙂

        Reply
        • Duane Scott

          @Moe_NYC

          So you would say it is better than Evernote? Because I already use that. AND DUDE!

          That note was rude. 🙂

          -DS

          Reply
  8. Brenda Coats

    What???!!! You don’t care about SG’s ruffled hair? Lame.

    I honestly don’t know how you do all that you do. It’s incredible. But yes. I hope you continue to find your strength in God. Cuz that’s where it lies, and that’s where it will always lie. 🙂

    Reply
    • Duane Scott

      @BrendaRCoats7

      SG doesn’t know this, but she looks good when her hair is ruffled.

      And try not sleeping.

      That’s pretty much how I do it. I try to sneak in 5-6 hours a night.

      -DS

      Reply
      • Brenda Coats

        If I only got that much sleep, I’d be dead by day three!

        Shaun likes my hair ruffled too. Must be a guy thing …

        Reply
  9. Adam

    Great stuff Duane. The waiting is really when you find out a lot about yourself. Loved it!

    Reply
    • Duane Scott

      @adamtucker

      Thanks man. 🙂

      –DS

      Reply
  10. Charity Singleton

    Duane — I’m glad I’m not the only one that gets car sick just thinking about reading or writing in the car. And now I know never to use Ritz crackers as a solution.

    I’ve been waiting on God lately, too. And his answer to me feels about the same . . . silent, yet merciful.

    Great post.

    Now, I have to figure out how to blog from my iPhone.

    Reply
  11. Keviana Elliot

    Hmm. Sounds familiar.
    Rush rush. Do more, do more. Worry. Think hard. Solve it, solve it, solve it. Write. No breaks. Concentrate. Solve more. Hurry, hurry!

    Kinda like that song “Technologic” by Daft Punk. That song makes my heart race like crazy, just like my heart races when I’m facing lots to do.

    Good thing God helps us:
    “Shhh, shhh. I’ve got you. No worries. I created the Universe, I’ve got this. Let me help you. See? Everything’s fine. *chuckle* Stick out your tounge again, that was adorable.

    (And yes, I believe God thinks that weird stuff you do is adorable.)

    Reply
  12. Simply Darlene

    You buy. As in a house. Our log home is for sale ya know. You buy. So I can move up north and be with my husband full-time. You buy.

    (Try mooing at the cows next time. It always helps me feel better.)

    Blessings.

    Reply

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i’m gonna be sick

by Duane Scott time to read: 2 min
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