Soldier in quicksand

[serialposts]What is wrong with me?

I came to church with stress hanging on me like an oversized jacket. My heart had focused on  people instead of God’s provisions. Ministry failed to excite me. And then it hit me…

Like quick sand, the more I struggled the faster the mire sucked me under. Soon, I didn’t recognize me anymore. Every time I got together with people it was like someone else stepped in. Everything I did was purpose-driven and I began to disappear into ministry life, splitting my time until I barely recognized the old grump who walked into church on Sunday. Something had to be done, or I would lose the joy. My smile might disappear entirely.

A few Sundays ago, I came to two conclusions. First, I needed to remove the idol from my heart where God should dwell. Second, I needed to let go of many things to serve God well in where He has called me. I can’t go on at this pace. All ready I am burned out and wishing that I could return to simply worshipping again on Sundays. Writing and praying are my heart.

A friend reminded me that the world’s future doesn’t depend on what I do on Sunday. I’m a fixer. That’s a curse. It interferes where God should always have the control. Things will be changing. I can feel it. A new season slowly unfolding, and I am excited about that.

So I am praying that God will provide the people so that I may let go of more ministries. There’s a danger of letting ministry become who you are instead of being the co-worker, the wife, the friend, the daughter, or the sister I need to become and love.

Dear Jesus, Thank you for teaching me this today and showing me the hard truths. The hardest truths to face are oftentimes the truth about oneself. Help me to place you in my heart and displace the idol that resides there now. In Jesus Name, Amen.

Are you addicted to ministry? How has your addiction harmed your real life relationships?

addiction to ministry [part one]

by Nikole Hahn time to read: 2 min
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